Code Words
Choosing Words that Promote Human Dignity
Ever play that game where someone says a word and you say the first word that comes to mind? So if I say, “Day” you may say “Night”, or I say “Life” and you say, “Long.” What if I say, “Invalid”?
I read that word in a memoir about the author’s “life-shattering diagnosis.” One that erased his dreams for the future, and his ability to work before his work was finished. Without these driving him, he says, “I became an invalid.”
The thought of identifying myself with a word that means * In-Valid * stuns me, and moves me to ponder and unpack the baggage laden synonyms it carries. “Invalid” means “Nothing” and “Empty.” It’s “Unacceptable”, “Not Good Enough,” and “Invalidated,” like an expired driver’s license or food that’s been on the shelf too long.
Most people probably wouldn’t use ‘invalid’ or its synonyms to frame their life. At least not consciously. They would chose words closer at hand.
When I asked one man what “Hospice” means to him, he said it means, “I’m Finished.” Then we gently pondered the question, “Are you finished, or finishing?” - and the big difference that makes.
Countless people with serious illness replace “invalid” with “Burden.” “I don’t want to “Be a Burden to my family,” they say. This brave admission can help families share feelings in reassuring ways that transform “tedious burdens” into “Labors of Love.”
Before she knew of her dementia, my Mom was very aware that her body and mind were changing in ways that made her feel, “Useless.” Told that she would soon be completely dependent, she asked what I thought about it.
“Mom,” I said, “do you remember when we were little and you fed us, bathed us, clothed us, and taught us to do those things?”
“Yes.” She said.
“Now, you’re going to teach us to slow down and take care of you, and we’re going to become better people for it.”
“Cool,” she said.
Hearing the meaning of code words for “invalid” can help us reframe experiences, validate feelings and reduce false beliefs about our lives or the lives of anyone else being, “In-Valid.”
No one is In-Valid. Whether they come from the South or North, the Coastlands or the Heartland, All People Everywhere are Valid. No matter the color of their skin, nor the the language they speak, nor their country of origin - All People hold Inherent Validity, Inalienable Rights, and a Dignity that cannot be Revoked.